Written on Thursday, March 06, 2008
This morning, shortly after I awoke at my usual 4:00 a.m., I was moping around my apartment, berating myself for not getting organized, not getting enough accomplished, not getting any brilliant ideas. I was feeling like a failure already -- someone with no direction, no inspiring thoughts, no special qualities. I was beating up on myself with great ferocity. Fortunately, however, I came to my senses fairly quickly and realized the silliness of my thinking. I realized that, once again, I had fallen into the trap of seeing the universe in the totally wrong way. I was thinking of it as composed of isolated 'me' and a zillion other isolated entities, when in truth it is all one, all unified, all harmonious. There isn't actually a separate 'me' that has to get organized, get things accomplished, and get brilliant ideas. There's only the one infinite ocean of life, of which 'I' am an integral part. I can no more be separately responsible for accomplishing things than a wave can be separately responsible for getting things done in the ocean. The vast ocean, not the individual waves, performs all the work, and the infinite universe, not an isolated 'me', does all the necessary tasks.
As I slowly realized this comforting truth, I relaxed, let go, and started simply watching this miraculous universe carry out its wishes. I saw that, for the rest of the day, I could be a spectator, moment by moment, at an utterly astonishing performance.